HYACINTH BUCKET’S BOOK OF

BETTER-CLASS BRITISH COOKERY

(for the Socially Unfortunate)

by Hyacinth Bucket
 
 
 
 

Chapter Ten

MOMENTS MISCELLANEOUS AND MUSICAL

Life is full of surprises!  And if you’re like me, you’ll want to celebrate each and every surprising event in your life with a social affair worthy of whatever it is that’s surprised you.  One does so like sharing one’s happiness with one’s special friends – at a moment’s notice if need be.  Of course you won’t all be as creative as I am when it comes to social entertaining.  Nobody is.  But I shall set forth in this chapter a select few of the myriad of  MOMENTS MISCELLANEOUS AND MUSICAL I have devised for celebrating with my dear friends and neighbours whenever anything exciting happens at The Bucket Residence.  I’m sure if you devote yourself to a thorough study of this chapter, you’ll be able to duplicate at least one of my MOMENTS MISCELLANEOUS AND MUSICAL  for yourself and your guests in the privacy of your own home.
 
 

A Little Evening Musical Soiree

This is the social entertainment I suggest you’ll want to study more closely than the rest.  Because you can adapt it for celebrating any occasion!  My THREE--PIECE SUITE WARMING PARTY is a superlative example of this sort of adaptation.
 

THREE-PIECE SUITE WARMING PARTY

Of course I can’t think that any of my Readers have taken recent delivery of a Three-Piece Suite that is an exact replica of one at Sandringham House.  I have it on good authority that mine is a "Limited Edition".  But no matter.  Even if you haven’t a home like mine (yet), one that is furnished up to and beyond British standards, still, your neighbours are probably in your same social bracket and so they’ll no doubt be impressed with whatever sort of Three-Piece Suite you’ve managed to acquire.  The point I wish to make here is that when your furniture is delivered, you can organise a THREE-PIECE SUITE WARMING PARTY in its honour.  I invited my neighbours Elizabeth and her brother Emmet to my THREE-PIECE SUITE WARMING PARTY.  Emmet is, as you all know by now, a classically trained musician.  And I asked him to run off a little “Rondoletto” on my pianoforte in honour of my new Three-Piece Suite.  And afterward, everyone took turns sitting on it.  The evening was – as you may imagine -- a superlative social success! Granted, we had some unexpected guests turn up at the last minute but that's the beauty of these MOMENTS MISCELLANEOUS AND MUSICAL -- they're designed to cope with shocks and surprises!

Now let’s run down the remaining list of variations on a theme for A Little Evening Musical Soiree and then I'll give you an all-purpose menu (and recipes!) for it.
 

SIR EDWARD (!!)

Yes, it goes without saying that if you have recently become part-owners of a Grade II-listed mansion in the country (Richard and I have a penthouse apartment at Marston Hall) and your closest neighbour is a titled gentleman like ours is, you’ll want to organise A Little Evening Musical Soiree for introducing him to your ordinary friends and neighbours "back home" in The Avenue.  (Music is, however, optional as SIR EDWARD is hard of hearing anyway and you’d only wear out your voice unnecessarily).
 
 

CREAM CAKE

This is simple to prepare but it doesn't look it!  (A good way to impress your guests with a minimum of fuss.)

1/3 cup almonds
1 ½ cups sugar
¼ cup butter
4 egg yolks
½ teaspoon vanilla
1 cup cake flour
1 teaspoon double-acting baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
5 Tablespoons cream
4 egg whites
1 more teaspoon of vanilla

Preheat your oven to 325 degrees.  Blanch and shred the almonds.  Beat the butter until soft and gradually blend in ½ cup of the sugar until creamy.  Beat in, one at a time, the 4 egg yolks.  Add ½ teaspoon vanilla.

Sift the flour with the double-acting baking powder and the salt and add these sifted ingredients to the butter/sugar mixture alternately with the cream.  Beat the batter until it’s smooth.

Spread the batter into two greased tins with 1 ½ inch sides.  Cover the batter with Meringue.

Meringue:
4 egg whites
Remaining sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla

Whip the 4 eggs whites until stiff peaks form.  Add the remaining sugar slowly, beating constantly.  Fold in 1 teaspoon vanilla.  Now you’ve made your Meringue you should spread it lightly over the cake batter in both tins.

Stud ONE Meringue with the blanched shredded almonds, placing the shreds close together for a uniform appearance (especially important if you’ve an academically gifted son who thrives on symmetry!)

Bake the layers for 40 minutes.  Remove them from the oven and allow them to cool in the tins.  Shortly before serving your CREAM CAKE, place the unstudded layer, Meringue side "down", on a cut-glass footed cake plate.  Spread a Cream Filling over it, reserving ¼ cup for the top.

Cream Filling:
1 cup whipping cream
3 Tablespoon sifted icing sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla

Whip the whipping cream until it's nice and stiff.  Fold in the icing sugar and vanilla.

Now you’ve got all but the 1/4 cup reserved filling of your Cream Filling spread all over the top of the unstudded layer of your CREAM CAKE with the Meringue side “down”, next you place the almond studded layer, Meringue side “up” on the Cream Filling and place the reserved filling in the center on the top of the whole thing.  Do not spread the 1/4 cup reserved filling out to the sides because the uniqueness of this CREAM CAKE lies in its decorative dollop of Cream Filling residing in the centre of the uppermost layer of the CREAM CAKE. (Don't allow your dollop to take on an unruly appearence. It should be perfectly round.  Use a small saucer for measuring by if need be. Sheridan once took to his bed for a week when my dollop became lopsided whilst my CREAM CAKE was enroute to the table.)
 
 

PETIT FOURS

1 ¾ cups cake flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 cup sugar
¾ cup butter
½ cup milk
1 teaspoon almond extract
grated zest of a lemon
3 eggs whites

Sift your flour and then sift it twice over again with the baking powder.  Now sift your sugar.  Cream your butter until it’s soft and then add the sifted sugar gradually, creaming these ingredients until very light.  Add the flour mixture in three parts to the butter mixture, alternating with thirds of the ½ cup milk.  Stir the batter for a few minutes after each addition.  Then add the almond extract and lemon zest.

Whip your 3 egg whites until they're stiff and fold them lightly into the cake batter.  Pour the batter into a 10x13x2 inch pan and bake at 350 degrees for approximately 40 minutes.

When your cake is done – and cooled – cut it into small cubes.  Cut the cubes in half horizontally and apply a Filling:

Filling:
2 ½ Tablespoons lemon juice
6 Tablespoons orange juice
1/3 cup water
½ cup sugar
2 Tablespoons flour
1/8 teaspoon salt
3 egg yolks
½ teaspoon grated lemon zest

Stir and cook these ingredients in a double boiler over hot water until the mixture thickens. Cool the mixture and put your small cubes -- cut in half horizontally -- together into one cube with the filling holding them together as you normally do with a cake of any size. Because that's what PETIT FOURS are when they're finished: small cakes.

Now apply to the exteriors of your small cubes the Fondant Icing.

Fondant Icing:
1 cup water
3 cups sugar
1/16 teaspoon cream of tartar

Bring the water to the boil in a large heavy pan.  Remove the pan from the heat and stir the sugar into the water until the sugar's dissolved.  Return the pan to the heat and – just as the syrup comes to the boil – add the cream of tartar.  Watch out the mixture doesn’t boil over!  Stir it if it looks apt to do so. Now.  Cook this mixture, without stirring, until it reaches 238 degrees on your thermometer.  Remove the pan (gently!) from the heat.  Pour the syrup onto a wet platter.  Do not scrape the pan!  Let the syrup cool thoroughly.  Work it with a wooden spoon by lifting and folding always from the edges towards the centre.  When the syrup loses its transparency and begins to look opaque and creamy, you should knead it well with your hands.  (Dust yourself with icing sugar if need be.)  Put this finished product into a tightly covered container and allow it to remain in a cool place for at least 24 hours. (Here's where your close study of this Chapter Ten: MOMENTS MISCELLANEOUS AND MUSICAL will pay off as you'll have learnt in advance you should've done this part yesterday.)

But anyway, now it's today. So just prior to using it on your PETIT FOURS, heat the Fondant Icing in a double boiler over boiling water, beating it constantly until it melts.  Then you may add any flavouring or colouring you wish (I shan’t take you by the hand on this one.  Have a little confidence in yourself. Use what you’ve learnt in this Chapter Ten: MOMENTS MISCELLANEOUS AND MUSICAL  as well as in all the previous Chapters One Through Nine and be creative!)  Spread the Fondant Icing at once as it tends to glaze over rapidly and then requires reheating, which is an annoyance and a bother if you’re a busy hostess like I am.  Of course I don’t mind doing it if Sheridan telephones me whilst I’m in the midst of applying Fondant Icing onto my PETIT FOURS as I don’t consider Sheridan’s calls an interruption.

Before we leave this section on PETIT FOURS, a tiny word of warning to my Readers who may think they've learnt more than they have:  Don't skip the step of allowing your Fondant Icing to "cure" in a cool place (normally, your refrigerator) for 24 hours. One might be tempted to believe one can simply apply one's Fondant Icing to one's PETIT FOURS straight from the first heating up. 'Why bother cooling my Fondant Icing only to heat it up all over again 24 hours later?' an inexperienced cook may well ask this question. The simple answer is: Because Hyacinth Bucket says so, that's why.  Trust me. I'm an experienced cook. Your PETIT FOURS won't turn out if you don't make them properly like I do.
 
 

HAND-THROWN AFTER DINNER MINTS

These are "all occasion" mints.  They're called AFTER DINNER MINTS purely as a convention.  But in actuality, you may serve your HAND-THROWN AFTER DINNER MINTS not only after your CANDLELIGHT SUPPERS, but also after your TEAS, after your COFFEES and, really, after almost anything!  And of course, always be sure and present them to your special guests after your MOMENTS MISCELLANEOUS AND MUSICAL.

1 box powdered sugar
½ teaspoon salt
1/3 cup butter
¼ cup white Karo syrup
¼ teaspoon clear vanilla extract
1 teaspoon clear peppermint flavouring

Mix these ingredients with your hands (it's why these AFTER DINNER MINTS are called "HAND THROWN"  -- but DON'T throw them!. Instead, make them into a lot of little balls.  Then take each little ball individually in your hands and pat it into a small delicate oval.

Serve these delightful HAND-THROWN AFTER DINNER MINTS on a silver tray (don’t forget the doily!) accompanied by your AROMATIC NUT-ROASTED SPECIAL COFFEE (See Chapter Three:  COFFEE) after your guests have appreciated (thoroughly!) sitting on your Three-Piece Suite (an exact replica of one at Sandringham House!) and/or SIR EDWARD (!!)
 
 

A Security and Alarm Warming Party

This is another occasion when you may extend an invitation to your special guests on short notice and via your private, white, slimline telephone with last number redial and one touch facility (with, needless to say, no foreign associations whatsoever).  Musical entertainment is not required as your guests will be too busy admiring the sound of your QE2 Siren.  Here is the menu (with recipes) I used for my SECURITY AND ALARM WARMING PARTY the night Richard alarmed me (He sent in a team of specialists to do it!)
 
 

BONFIRE WARMER

(This makes for a very hot hearty soup! Just the thing to make your guests receptive to hearing your Alarm go off.)

1 carrot, sliced
1 onion, chopped
4 rashers of bacon, chopped
½ ounce butter
1 teaspoon curry powder
1 ounce plain flour
¾ pint milk
¼ pint chicken stock (You learnt how to make this before, remember? If you did it, you will now have some extra in your refrigerator that you can use here.)

Gently saute the carrot, onion, and bacon in the butter for 10 minutes until softened.  Stir in the curry powder and flour and cook this mixture for 2 minutes.  Gradually add the milk and stock, stirring constantly until the soup thickens, boils and is smooth.  Serve this with crusty rolls.
 

CRUSTY ROLLS
(Have your hubby pick you up a dozen at the Wholesome Bakery. This is, after all, a spur of the moment party!)
 

CORONATION CHICKEN

(This is a very famous salad, invented by Miss Constance Spry, and served at H.M.’s coronation in 1953. It's entirely appropriate for serving to your guests at a
SECURITY AND ALARM WARMING PARTY in honour of your QE2 Siren.

One 5 lb chicken, poached
1 Tablespoon vegetable oil
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 Tablespoon curry paste
1 Tablespoon tomato puree
4 ounces red wine
1 bay leaf
the juice of ½ lemon
4 canned apricot halves, drained and finely chopped
½ pint mayonnaise
4 ounces whipping cream
salt and pepper
Watercress ! (to garnish)

Remove the flesh from the chicken and cut it into small pieces.  In a small saucepan, heat the oil, add the onion and cook it for about 3 minutes until softened.  Add the curry paste, tomato puree, wine, bay leaf, and lemon juice.  Simmer this mixture, uncovered, for about 10 minutes until it's well reduced.  Strain and leave to cool. (Miss Spry has forgotten to remove the bay leaf but I always do and you should too. A bay leaf is for flavouring during the cooking process. A bay leaf is not meant to be eaten, especially as there is only one of them. Deciding which guest gets the bay leaf could cause an otherwise stylish affair to dissolve into chaos.  Trust me. I have experience of these things. )

Puree the chopped apricot halves in your food processor (Hasn’t this been a good investment!)  Beat the cooled sauce into the mayonnaise with the apricot puree.  Whip the cream to stiff peaks and fold it into the mixture.  Season, adding a little extra lemon juice if necessary.  Fold in the chicken pieces.

Garnish with Watercress!

(Your guests will be positively stunned when they taste this salad -- be sure and tell them who it's from!)
 
 

ST. GEORGE’S TART

St. George is the patron saint of England and his tart is so appropriate for my SECURITY AND ALARM WARMING PARTY!

1 ½ ounces butter
2 ½ ounces caster sugar
1 egg yolk
3 ½ ounces self-rising flour
7 ounces milk
8 ounces rhubarb, washed and sliced
½ Tablespoon custard powder

Cream the butter and 1 ounce of the sugar.  Beat in the egg yolk.  Sift the flour and mix it into the butter-sugar-egg mixture with a little of the milk to make a soft dough.  Knead the dough until it's nice and smooth.  Chill the dough for 45 minutes.

Heat the rhubarb (gently!) with 1 ounce of the sugar until the sugar dissolves.  Cover this and simmer it for 5 minutes.  Drain the rhubarb.

Blend the remaining sugar and custard powder with a Tablespoon of the milk.  Bring the remaining milk to the boil and pour onto the sugar-custard powder-Tablespoon of milk mixture.  Return the mixture to the pan and heat the whole thing up, stirring until the custard thickens, boils and is smooth.

If your dough hasn't finished chilling the full 45 minutes, you can go and polish your Alarm Box whilst you're waiting. (Mine is Dusky Pink, an exact replica of one we saw in a stately home we visited. I invited them to my SECURITY AND ALARM WARMING PARTY of course. They couldn't come, but that's all right. There'll be other times.) Now your dough's chilled, roll out two-thirds of it to line a 6 inch flan tin.  Spread the custard over the bottom and arrange the rhubarb (symmetrically!) on top.  Roll out the remaining pastry and cut into ½ inch strips with a pastry wheel.  Arrange in a lattice on top of the flan.  Bake at 375 degrees for 40 minutes.  Cover the lattice with foil before you pop it into the oven so it doesn't brown.  If you arrange your lattice properly and, as I instructed you, don't allow it to brown, then the contrast of the white lattice against the red of the rhubarb will produce a reasonable facsimile of St. George's flag and thus you will be able to say you are flying the flag of finesse at your SECURITY AND ALARM WARMING PARTY like I do at all of my social entertainments.
 
 

The Impromptu Midnight Snack

This social entertainment is unique to HYACINTH BUCKET'S BOOK OF BETTER-CLASS BRITISH COOKERY as it is something not invented by myself.  (Not the only thing, unfortunately. See Chapter 11: A Final Word on Entertaining. On second thought, it's better if you don't.) Anyway, The Impromptu Midnight Snack was conceived at Marston Hall by my husband Richard and I wish to give him full credit where credit is due. Our first evening in our Penthouse Apartment, even though we had a little rehearsal for sleeping in the beds when they first arrived that afternoon, Richard was as yet unaccustomed to finding his way about the place.  It was close to midnight when I was awakened suddenly and without warning by Richard, who in the course of pacing round the room, had stumbled and fallen over the end of my bed.  My first thought was one of concern for my husband, of course.  Out of a sound sleep I asked, 'Richard? Whatever is the matter, dear?' Richard said he felt boxed in. He said the place was too small. I reminded Richard that our apartment in this Grade II-listed mansion is not small.  It's Old World Bijou.  Richard was so elated to realise this that he decided to celebrate by making a pot of Old World Bijou Tea!  Of course, I arose at once and joined him in our compact kitchenette.  It took us a moment or two to coordinate ourselves in relation to my high quality laminated units but then that's the sort of little hiccup that's only to be expected when you're enjoying a quality Chapter Ten: Moments Miscellaneous and Musical.  However, as is our wont, my hubby and I took it all in our stride and very quickly recovered our equilibrium.
 

OLD WORLD BIJOU TEA

You make this the same as you make your Earl Grey for other occasions.  (See Chapter Five: TEA)
 

Whilst my husband made us our OLD WORLD BIJOU TEA, I whipped up a couple of his favourite dishes: a savoury and a sweet and a starter for whilst he waited.
 

TOAD IN THE HOLE

This is an old family recipe of Richard's (completely devoid of French habits I assure you!)  He brought it with him when we married. It makes a lovely accompaniment to OLD WORLD BIJOU TEA when your hubby's taken a sudden notion for an Impromptu Midnight Snack.

1 ounce butter
1 lb sausages
4 ounces flour
1 egg
½ pint milk

Preheat your oven to 425 degrees.  Place the butter and sausages in a 10x12 inch roasting tin.  Cook them for 10 minutes (or longer if you like your bangers very well done).  Sift the flour into a bowl.  Break in the egg.  Gradually add half the milk, beating to form a smooth batter.  Pour in the remaining milk and beat until quite smooth.  Alternately add the flour, milk and egg to your liquidiser (You should already have one of these – no need to run out and buy one at midnight!) and blend until smooth.  Pour the batter into the roasting tin (where your bangers are already lying in wait) and bake for 40-45 minutes, until the batter is well risen and golden.
 

SPOTTED DICK

This is an old family recipe of mine.  Mummy always made it for us when we were children.  It's a lovely "comfort food" .  I make it for Sheridan when he's not feeling well, which is to say, almost every day when he's with us. And I make it for Richard whenever he's feeling out of sorts, which he decidedly was the night he invented the Impromptu Midnight Snack. Richard is a thoughtful husband, but he's slow to adapt. And I will not have Richard being consistently argumentative in the country! Anyway, he felt considerably better after he'd eaten.  And the next day, once he got a bit of country air into him, he was totally back on form.  Dear Richard. What a rock of reliability that man is!

3 ounces self-rising flour
4 ounces breadcrumbs
3 ounces shredded suet
2 ounces caster sugar
6 ounces currants
finely grated zest of 1 lemon
5 Tablespoons milk

Mix everything together.  Shape the result into a neat roll about 6 inches long.  This is your SPOTTED DICK. Make a 2 inch pleat across a clean tea towel (Daisy! Are you paying attention, dear?)  Wrap your roll of SPOTTED DICK loosely in the tea towel and tie the ends securely with kitchen string.  Make a string handle across the top.  Lower your roll of SPOTTED DICK  into a large pan of boiling water, cover and boil for 1 ½ hours.  Lift it out using the string handle.  Place your SPOTTED DICK on a wire rack standing over a plate and allow the excess moisture to drain off.  Snip the string and gently roll your SPOTTED DICK out of the cloth onto a warmed serving plate.

An alternative measure – if your hubby is anxious and you’re pressed for time – is to simply bake your SPOTTED DICK, uncovered at 400 degrees for 40 minutes.  Serve it sliced with a little custard poured over.  (HINT: For saving more time, simply buy the custard.)
 
 

Whilst he’s waiting for his Impromptu Midnight Snack to appear before him, Richard likes partaking of my GENTLEMEN'S RELISH, served on water biscuits. It seems to calm him down.
 

GENTLEMEN’S RELISH

Anchovy paste
Butter
Seasonings to taste
Watercress

Mix all the ingredients excepting the Watercress and turn the thing out onto a cut glass plate.  Centre it.  And surround it with the biscuits and garnish with Watercress. There it is: GENTLEMEN'S RELISH.
 

{Now there you are, Richard.  It's all ready.  Here.  Eat it.  And then we shall go back to bed, and tomorrow morning  -- first thing after breakfast (See Chapter Two: BREAKFAST) -- I want to you start writing the final chapter for me.  Yes, you must!  My Editor's requiring it of me, Richard.  He wants it including all sorts of things for the Spaghetti and Chips Brigade! As if any of my Readers care about that sort of thing. But my Editor won't take 'No' for an answer. And of course you know I never go into places like that!}

{I can hardly bear turning the page to the final chapter. WHAT a way to end HYACINTH BUCKET'S BOOK OF BETTER-CLASS BRITISH COOKERY!  However, I suppose I shall have to bite the bullet and take a look. After all, it is up to me to make sure Richard's done it right. So go ahead: Turn the page to Chapter 11: A Final Word on Entertaining (for the Socially Unfortunate)}