Richard knows me so well.  (He says to tell you after more than 35 years married, he feels he knows me better than he knows himself.  Beautiful sentiment!  We’re very close, my husband and I.  I can’t think of a couple I admire more.)  But anyway, this is why neither Richard nor myself were at all surprised the other night when I had a sudden flash of inspiration that woke us both out of a sound sleep!
 

A "Special Needs" Event Planned with One's Daddy in Mind

It was a brilliant idea for a PICNIC requiring the presence of my Daddy -- WHAT a coup! -- A"Special Needs" Event Planned with One's Daddy in Mind.  But of course it's only to be expected Hyacinth Bucket would invent a social occasion whereby one may fulfill one's charitable duties AND be a caring daughter all at the same time. Oh I love it! Because as you all know by now, efficiency is paramount in the life of the busy hostess.

    But to think.  It all started with our discussing Sheridan just prior to dropping off.  Richard knows how I love to talk about my Sheridan.  And it just goes to show what a brilliant boy our son is!  Why, even the mere mention of Sheridan’s name is enough to ignite the flame of creation in his Mummy!  So it’s no wonder, after spending 30 minutes explaining to Richard why Sheridan gave up maths for needlework and tapestry design before bedtime, I should suddenly awaken at one o’clock in the morning with my head swimming with the possibilities for an elegant affair that would take us to whole new heights of upwardly social mobility!

    Oh it’s so exciting when these things happen in the middle of the night.  I awakened Richard at once, of course.  After all, it was he who made my PICNIC -- A "Special Needs" Event Planned with One's Daddy in Mind  possible in the first place. Without Richard,  I wouldn’t have Sheridan.  And without Sheridan, I'm sure I should never in a million years have thought of treating Daddy to a "Special Needs"PICNIC!  Richard says as well as he knows me he’s never been able to quite figure out my logic. Well I expect that’s what's kept him interested all these years.  (I think I may have just given you the recipe for a happy marriage! -- a little 'bonus' for my Cookery Book readers).

    But anyway, I didn't want to lose my inspiration so I got my pad of paper from the drawer of my nightstand.  I always keep a pad and pencil handy for middle-of-the-night socially inspired ideas that come to me.  I said to Richard, ‘We must make a list of Daddy’s favourite snacks!  Oh it’s ideal for Daddy – a PICNIC – he can drop as many crumbs as he likes.’  I proceeded to make a list and Richard helped me by suggesting all the accoutrements we’d need:  my best bone; quality crystal glassware; (a beaker for Daddy of course, although we’ll take a glass for him as well in case we’re overlooked); and, needless to say, I wanted to be sure and take my cut-glass condiment set.  I'd bought it only the other week for just such an occasion as this!  Richard asked, 'Aren't you going to list your tables, chairs, and Burmese rug?'  Richard can be so silly sometimes.  He’s not always at his best in the middle of the night I’m afraid.

    Be that as it may, when it comes to superlative social situations, pre-planning does pay off!  Because the next morning I was practically packed and ready to go whilst Richard was still plotting out the route on his map and well before he’d managed to choose a proper PICNIC tie!  I, of course, was wearing something most appropriate for the occasion, as I always do.  In this case, something that wouldn’t spoil if it was splashed or dribbled on.

Here is my menu for a PICNIC -- A "Special Needs" Event Planned with One’s Daddy in Mind.  As you can see, it’s quite simple.  One doesn’t like inundating one’s Daddy with too many choices as it only confuses him and can turn what would be an otherwise elegant PICNIC into a very chaotic affair.
 
 

TUNA MAYONNAISE

1 tin canned tuna
½ cup celery, diced
¼ cup mayonnaise
1 Tablespoon chopped chives

Flake the tuna with a fork.  Add the celery and mayonnaise and chopped chives and mix all this together.  There it is:  TUNA MAYONNAISE.  (See how simple preparing a  PICNIC -- A "Special Needs" Event Planned with One's Daddy in Mind --  can be?

However, before you go to all this trouble,  you should telephone ahead so whoever you’ve entrusted with your Daddy’s care (or should that be ‘whomever’?)  Anyway, you’ll want him dressed and ready when you arrive to collect him.  Be sure and tell them to put a tie on him because if they’re anything like my sister Daisy and her unfortunate husband Onslow, a tie is not something they’re intimately acquainted with.  As Richard’s so fond of saying, ‘You can’t expect a man who never wears a shirt to have a tie on.’  But that’s just it.  There’s the whole problem in a nutshell – solved!.  I shall make a note to invite Onslow down to the Charity Shop next week where shirts can be had at giveaway prices.
 

HORLICK’S

You’ll have to buy this as it’s doubtful you’ll have it just lying around the house.  But no Senior Citizens’ outing is complete without the HORLICK’S.  As instructed above, take along a beaker for your Daddy and wear something that won’t spoil if it’s splashed or dribbled on.  I do so wish Daddy would branch out a bit and venture away from the HORLICK’S.  It’s unreliable.  The day we lost Daddy I was quite sure that person called Fifi had adulterated his HORLICK’S at the canteen in the Senior Citizens.  If my sister Daisy wasn’t so careless, Daddy would’ve been with Richard and me at the Seaside where he could’ve enjoyed sharing a Knickerbocker Glory with Mrs Lomax.  Richard says to tell you the old lady made quick work of three of these things.  Yes, it's no wonder Mrs Lomax suffers from a perennial case of carsickness.  Of course I drank a chocolate malted there myself and it was surprisingly good!  When one goes to a Fun Fair one should try and join in the fun, I always think.  Though not the sort of fun Mr Farini had in mind!  Thank heavens I have Richard to protect me from anybody desperate.
 

DADDY’S FAVOURITE CAKE

1 cup butter, softened
1 2/3 cups sugar
5 eggs
2 cups all-purpose flour, sifted
½ teaspoon salt
1 ½ teaspoons almond extract
3 Tablespoons finely ground hazelnuts
1 teaspoon rosewater
2 drops red food colouring
Icing Sugar

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.  Grease two 9-inch cake pans.

Cream the butter well.

In a separate bowl, beat the sugar and eggs together until doubled in volume.  Add the sifted flour and salt gradually.  Fold in the creamed butter thoroughly.  Divide the batter into two equal parts.  Into one part, add the almond extract and the ground hazelnuts.  To the other part, add the rosewater and the red food colouring.  Spoon batter alternately into the prepared pans.  Bake at 350 degrees for 27-35 minutes.  When they’ve baked long enough, your cakes will bounce back when you touch them in the centres.  Let your cakes cool.  Then remove them from the pans.  Turn out onto a cut glass cake plate and cement them together with whipped cream.  (Remember how to do this? See page 34 of this Cookery Book).  Dust the top with Icing Sugar.

HINT:  Be very careful with DADDY’S FAVOURITE CAKE in transit !  This cannot be emphasized too much as DADDY'S FAVOURITE CAKE is a very delicate cake.  When we arrived at our PICNIC destination, which turned out, through a series of little family hiccups, to be back at The Bucket Residence at Tea time (See Chapter Five: TEA) there was a very large dent in the top of DADDY’S FAVOURITE CAKE. Richard was babbling about the dent having something to do with Sheridan's requirement of 75 pounds for a pair of pure silk pyjamas.  (And my husband finds MY logic faulty?!) Be that as it may, DADDY’S FAVOURITE CAKE did taste well.  But a dented cake is not something you want to serve to important guests.  However, I’m sure your Daddy won’t mind.  A dented cake is all right for a Daddy.
 

Footnote:  I shall add in a COCOA recipe here in case Daddy forgets his Horlicks.  He slops his cocoa as well so it won't much matter. I'd have Daddy to live with us if he didn't slop his COCOA.   Still, that Fifi person won't have adulterated his COCOA.  Yes, I always think COCOA is safer.  Daisy makes COCOA  for Onslow but he never drinks it as he's always asleep when it arrives.
 

COCOA

For each cup, combine in a double boiler:

1/4 teaspoon vanilla
3 ounces milk chocolate
1 teaspoon butter

Stir these together until the chocolate and butter are completely melted and smooth.

Then add (slowly!):

1 cup cream, incorporating it gradually as it heats.  Do not boil!
 
 

The Waterside Supper with Riparian Entertainments.

If you’ve never organised a PICNIC before, I suggest you don’t start here.  My WATERSIDE SUPPER is daunting enough an undertaking for even the most advanced hostess but adding RIPARIAN ENTERTAINMENTS may well send you straight over the edge.  Yes, I'm afraid you'll be in way over your head with this one.  Trust me.  Because it’s no good attempting the English Channel before you’ve even learnt to swim!  Richard says you ought to wait till you’ve survived the odd Candlelight Suppper  (See Chapter Six: THE CANDLELIGHT SUPPER) and a Tea and Light Refreshments or two (See Chapter Five: TEA) before you attempt to wade through the THE WATERSIDE SUPPER WITH RIPARIAN ENTERTAINMENTS.  And I'm afraid I must agree with him completely about this.

    But now you've got your feet wet, I shall instruct you how I did my WATERSIDE SUPPER WITH RIPARIAN ENTERTAINMENTS and then (after – and only after – you’ve become a seasoned hostess like myself) you can copy me – if you dare!

    First of all, this was not something inspired in the middle of the night by talking about Sheridan although, ultimately, his little dictionary did play an important role.  But no, it all began with a serene little drive into the countryside.  Crossing over a bridge I said to Richard, ‘Stop the car!’  Richard stopped the car.  I had espied a lovely spot by the river that simply cried out for an afternoon’s walking tour.  Richard parked the car and we went for a stroll along the river bank.  The river looked so inviting!  And so, with hardly any prompting at all from me, Richard decided to rent a yacht and take me for a tour of the river.  It was a lovely afternoon.  But you haven’t heard the best of it!  We found a beautiful, sheltered spot for a picnic – it was quite remote and unspoilt – obviously a place where nobody’d been before, and thus I knew it would be ideal for my WATERSIDE SUPPER WITH RIPARIAN ENTERTAINMENTS.

    I sent out my usual engraved invitations to a group of select friends: my dear neighbours Elizabeth and her brother Emmet; our Vicar and his charming wife; and I invited my wealthy sister Violet.  She was desperate to come but despaired of her transport as Bruce had just that morning been called away on important business.  Something to do with Violet’s large Mercedes.  It seems he was to give a talk to some government officials about kerb crawling.  Violet was quite distressed, poor girl.  But Bruce buys her everything!  And so what if he’s become an expert in the art of kerb crawling.  I think it’s commendable, his driving so slowly.  People rush about too much, in my opinion.  I’m proud of my brother-in-law, Bruce.  In all my years as a pedestrian I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a kerb crawler. I'm sure I should have remembered.  Richard says if I had encountered a kerb crawler, the kerb crawler would certainly never forget it. Well anyway, I told Violet, I said, ‘Violet, get somebody else to drive you to my WATERSIDE SUPPER WITH RIPARIAN ENTERTAINMENTS, dear.  Somebody with a social status compatible with your large Mercedes, of course.  That goes without saying.’ (As it turned out, Violet didn't follow my instructions but there's no need to elaborate on any of that as it's neither here nor there in relation to our topic at hand.)

    Next I made a list of accoutrements.  Now here’s where Richard’s reminders in the middle of the night in regard to DADDY’S PICNIC came in handy.  With all the cars organised to drive to my WATERSIDE SUPPER WITH RIPARIAN ENTERTAINMENTS I knew we could take everything needed for a superlative outdoor dining experience!  Emmet and our Vicar tied on my tables and chairs and my Burmese rug atop their dinky little cars.  Richard loaded up my custom-made plastic picnicware.  And I, myself, carried the umbrella.  Never let it be said that Hyacinth Bucket does not pull her own weight when it comes to a social occasion of this magnitude.  But of course I led the singing:  “The Happy Wanderer”. That goes without saying.  The Vicar’s charming wife particularly enjoyed this song as we strolled at a leisurely pace to my chosen picnic spot.

Here is my menu for:

SELECT NORWEGIAN PRAWNS

You buy these at your fishmonger.
 
 

A SELECTION OF CANAPES AND THINGS TO NIBBLE ON
(These are quite different from the ones you gave Mrs Henderson for Tea (See Chapter Five: TEA)

For the Bases: (a Canape is anything that can be spread on a base.  Of course, by that definition, crisps and dip could  be classified as a canape.  But we shall avoid lower middle-class fare and explore a few of the tastier options):

Assorted Crackers
Cream Cheese Pastry
Party Rye
Puff Pastry
Savory Toast
Pita Wedgies

Toppings:
Olives (sliced)
Onions
Oysters (Be careful of these – they tend to encourage Continental behaviour!)
Paprika
Parsley
Peppers
Pimientos
Radishes (sliced)
Tomatoes (sliced cherry)
Anchovies
Aspic
Bacon bits
Capers
Caviar
Cheese
Egg (chopped or sliced)
Lobster bits
Mushrooms
Nuts (finely chopped)

There you are then – be creative like I am!  Let your imagination run riot!  Put a little swank on!  For my WATERSIDE SUPPER WITH RIPARIAN ENTERTAINMENTS I served them ALL.
 
 

DEVILED HAM SPREAD

(This is special hors d’oeuvre and perhaps not quite the thing for serving to a Vicar but I sometimes slip it in when he’s not looking.)

1 tin potted deviled ham
½ of a 3 ounce square of cream cheese
2 Tablespoons of pickle relish
a dash of lemon juice
1 teaspoon of onion powder

Stir all this together until well mixed.  Chill the mixture until it’s ready to spread.  If you like, this can be formed into a ball and put in the centre of a plate of water biscuits.  So appropriate for a WATERSIDE SUPPER WITH RIPARIAN ENTERTAINMENTS.
 
 

CREAMY CUCUMBER SALAD

1 lb garden salad
1 large green bell pepper, seeded and cut into thin strips
1 cup cherry tomatoes
½ cup creamy cucumber dressing (buy this in a jar!)
1 cup cool herb croutons

Combine all these ingredients in a salad bowl and toss them.  This is so foolproof I  sometimes allow my Richard to make it for me whilst I'm deciding what to wear.
 
 

HONEYED FRUIT SALAD a la SHERIDAN

1 cup pineapple chunks, drained
2 bananas, cut into 1 inch slices
2 oranges, peeled, with the white pith cut away and thrown out and the orange part thinly sliced and kept
1 cup red seedless grapes
½ cup plain yoghurt
¼ cup honey

Combine all these ingredients in a mixing bowl and mix thoroughly.  Let the mixture stand for 15-20 minutes before serving.  (This won’t be a problem as it will take you that long to find a place in the carpark.)

There you have it – the WATERSIDE SUPPER WITH RIPARIAN ENTERTAINMENTS!  I hope you love it as much as we did.  After all was said and done, our Vicar seemed to appreciate the RIPARIAN ENTERTAINMENTS even more than the WATERSIDE SUPPER. He hasn't stopped talking about it yet.  I must take that man in hand and educate him.  He obviously hasn’t had the exposure to fine cuisine my Richard has enjoyed all these years.

Now turn the page -- but Be Prepared! -- because you’re in for a really heady experience in Chapter Ten:  Moments Miscellaneous and Musical.